I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
