We're like a lot better than the average bears
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
