So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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