I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You smell like stripper and shame
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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