You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
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