it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
