I'm so fucking centered right now
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
