It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
