I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
