We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
