four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
