Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
