1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
