you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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