The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
