he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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