And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
