I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
