I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
4 words: hood of his car
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
