guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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