Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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