I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
