today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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