My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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