I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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