dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
