I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
