no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
