I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I understand Curling. That high.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
