I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up under a house in Key West
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
