OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
