We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
