I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
