8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
