There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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