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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
