I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
