Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
