just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
