True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
