Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
