Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
