Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
