omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
