Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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