PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
