Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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