I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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