they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
