Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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