so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
