my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
