Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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