I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
